I Realized That I Don't Have The Charisma To Start A Cult And Now I'm Bummed Out

I'm four episodes in to Netflix's docu-series Wild, Wild Country (two Netflix related blogs in a row. Can you tell that I just graduated college and need a job?) which tells the story of the Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh and his followers as they build a commune in Oregon and get into all sorts of wacky trouble.

As I was watching, I was struck by how thousands of people were able to blindly follow one man. It's been seen countless times throughout history, a leader creates a following who will do anything for them, good or bad.

That's when it dawned on me that I could never start a cult. Not because I don't think it would be kind of cool for a little bit, until the strong arm of the law comes down because my followers were stirring up trouble. It's because I'm missing something that all cult leaders have had in spades.

What did the all have in common?

Charisma.

I can tell that some of you may have just thought, Aw, poor guy is too hard on himself. Nope. I'm just realistic.

I'm not necessarily charisma-less. Charisma is a spectrum, and on that spectrum I fall somewhere between the the Elephant Man and Steve Buscemi, who is just ahead of thanks to his illustrious career in Hollywood (Actually, the Elephant Man had a pretty good showbiz career as well, so he could be ahead of me too).

I can barely convince people which restaurant we should eat at, so I don't know that I could screw legions of fanatical followers into sitting and watching me shift my weight awkwardly in a chair while wearing a robe and ranting about doomsday.

Even if I got to that point, I wouldn't be a good cult leader. The Bhagwan Shree Rajneesh had a large fleet of Rolls Royces. You get one of those things. At most seven (one for each day of the week). The Bhagwan had like twenty of them? I would have one KIA Soul that I would drive myself because I wouldn't want people looking at me all the time.

So, being a cult leader isn't for me. Am I disappointed? Sure. Do I wish I could be a cult leader? Absolutely! It seems great and people make documentaries about you, but it never ends well unless your idea of "ending well" is a mass suicide or a standoff with federal agents, which mine is not.

But, hey, it's 2018, to each his own.

...or her own...

...or their own...

...2018.